2011年4月 – Rather Be

深呼吸

4月 28, 2011sarahcyying留下评论

我紧紧握着方向盘开着车在回家的路上
空气很凉摇上车窗一个人好慌张

跟朋友道别说慢走解释等下会自己搭车去金字塔处理事情
想到要独自逛街独自作决定心里突然有点慌
一个人走一个人办事，不是说习惯了吗？

我要我自己坚强我知道我能做到=)

ps lyrics from宇恒＜深呼吸＞

醒咯

4月 27, 2011sarahcyying留下评论

就因为截止日期比别人迟一个礼拜，就应该迟一个礼拜动工吗？
别那么没出息可以吗。

莹该加把劲了～

爱排球

4月 26, 20114月 26, 2011sarahcyying留下评论

上个礼拜三傍晚，匆匆忙忙赶完studio的事情后，下去和Evan、Joseph、芯仪和Jireh打排球。那是我高中毕业以来第一次正正式式在排球场上打排球。就有追球有接杀球的。后来Taylors’女排来练球，跟她们打了两场的比赛。

为自己不停不停地吵闹、一直一直的滚地感到有点不好意思；呵呵我平时不是爱吵爱摔的人。但那晚我真的很开心很兴奋。

: 风光时候

这些是我排球的奖牌（好像有几个不见了）。从初二进入校队直到高二退出，每年至少都有一两枚。左边还有一个爬万里长城的纪念牌，是初二随学姐到北京交流留下的纪念品。一些没法收藏但不错珍惜的是和3A、1理A、2理A获得~~或者没有获得~~的奖项。即使只是小小的班际比赛，在我心中还是很重要。

每次说到班队校队比赛比赛，好像自己很厉害一样。其实在排球队里的一切只有场内的人懂。她们常说，输球最重要就是别输给自己。嗯，我懂。但那些都已是过去了，跌过学过爬起来，就算了。毕竟是成长的过程。

我还是很喜欢排球。不是准时追世界排球赛、认得哪个8号10号球员的那种喜欢，只是打球的当儿很快活。以前再怎么还怕教练的严苛训练，很久没碰球再怎么担心自己忘了怎么掂球，碰到排球的那瞬间还是觉得自己活过来了。好像在那之前还在沉睡，突然像睡美人被一吻而醒。

两年没正式打球了，星期四起床时手肿得没法戴上手表。记得初二初三曾和Loli早上6点下楼在黑漆漆的排球场上狂练球，只因为那时觉得[排球=生命]。

感谢当年妈妈怕我没机会运动硬要我加入学警团（很帅的同时还能操步=做运动），以致我有机会加入排球组、排球队。（我讨厌操步又不得不承认不运动不行，所以选择了我最不讨厌的球类团体。哈！）

post-Easter

4月 26, 20114月 26, 2011sarahcyying留下评论

好像上个月说过，四旬期不上plurk？我还真的做到了！

晚上上网时开来看，结果有200则未读信息。笑笑，按为已读。像是失去了40天，但我不觉得怎样。朋友固然重要，但不知道他们晚上吃了什么，对我也无妨。

记得一开始是被逼着去register的，结果渐渐习惯了上网一定会开着。那曾经是看八卦的地方，沟通的平台，抒发感情的地方。可能现在还是，但它不再是生活中的重点。

上星期四傍晚从学校走路去搭巴士到教堂，在大雨中一手撑伞一手抓着裙子不让它飞起，穿着的新鞋弄到脚很痛，背着一书包的电子产品、书本怕被弄湿，被伞挡着视线差点被摩托撞。湿成这样再流几滴泪谁都不知吧？后来发现，为自己打气其实是很大的鼓励。

一场大雨，一次坚持连续40天不做的事。女孩又成长了一点=)

Caramel

4月 26, 20114月 26, 2011sarahcyying留下评论

…… that’s a popcorn flavour, a kind o sweet, the name o my hamster mummy, a codename for something and Idk what else?

Yeah, it’s a random title. It just came to my mind when my friend asked me to go chiong k w my hubby instead o going alone. Aah. Taking it to mean my dears in S’pore and Nilai and not the person I’m not thinking about.

忙了整整一个礼拜，终于有闲情胡思乱想半夜emo了。呵呵~不是心情不好这只是我的习惯。

今晚没开歌，唯一一首适合今晚的是《擦肩而过》。不懂。

晚安，明天开始忙功课=)

comfort zone

4月 17, 20114月 26, 2011sarahcyying留下评论

I’m not ashamed o it, but I gotta admit that my comfort zone is really small. Anything outside o what I’m used to, I would not do in public. Call it cowardice or whatever; I do NOT like to be pushed into doing something I don’t do well, especially if there is someone beside who could do better. Eventually I’d think, why do it when there’s someone who could do it way better? Maybe that’s why I’m always pissed off when I get “suggestions” during choir practice. I do not have the ability to play in anything other than chords or when reading sheet music and I do not take kindly to being asked to, and shown how to correctly improvise.

Or maybe I just dislike being told off. I don’t like being corrected when I’ve already put in effort, when my best is not up to others’ standards. That’s real bad and childish, I know, after all I AM getting close to 20, maturity is a MUST; so I’m putting energy into adopting immunity to criticism while learning from it.

In the meantime… I’m taking comfort in knowing that regardless of how well/not-well I play musical instruments or draw/sketch, I can still write moderately well. Writing essays or blog posts are still a piece o cake to me… even if they are not up to writers’ standard.

Why did I try a hand in music and design, when I know full well that my talents do not lie there? Because one gets bored o using the same old medium to communicate and express, that’s why. I smile when I conquer a piece o particularly hard music and feel happy I draw something and it gets recognized as an object. Music and art would not be what I do for a living, but I could not live without either.

I hate not being good enough to do something I know I could. I smile and let my betters do the best for the good o the world, but I wish I could be the one to do it instead. Though… Being the best in the world has never been in my dreams; I dream o ordinary things, to be able to play Yiruma’s “River Flows in You” or Richard Clayderman’s “Wedding o the Dreams”, or draw stick figures in various poses, or designing an average house for the average public.

Anyway in conclusion… Going back to work soon. Piano, drawing, 3D modelling, archi desgins… How it’d turn out Idk, but *fingers crossed*.

Praying for miracles =)