comfort zone

I’m not ashamed o it, but I gotta admit that my comfort zone is really small. Anything outside o what I’m used to, I would not do in public. Call it cowardice or whatever; I do NOT like to be pushed into doing something I don’t do well, especially if there is someone beside who could do better. Eventually I’d think, why do it when there’s someone who could do it way better? Maybe that’s why I’m always pissed off when I get “suggestions” during choir practice. I do not have the ability to play in anything other than chords or when reading sheet music and I do not take kindly to being asked to, and shown how to correctly improvise.

Or maybe I just dislike being told off. I don’t like being corrected when I’ve already put in effort, when my best is not up to others’ standards. That’s real bad and childish, I know, after all I AM getting close to 20, maturity is a MUST; so I’m putting energy into adopting immunity to criticism while learning from it.

In the meantime… I’m taking comfort in knowing that regardless of how well/not-well I play musical instruments or draw/sketch, I can still write moderately well. Writing essays or blog posts are still a piece o cake to me… even if they are not up to writers’ standard.

Why did I try a hand in music and design, when I know full well that my talents do not lie there? Because one gets bored o using the same old medium to communicate and express, that’s why. I smile when I conquer a piece o particularly hard music and feel happy I draw something and it gets recognized as an object. Music and art would not be what I do for a living, but I could not live without either.

I hate not being good enough to do something I know I could. I smile and let my betters do the best for the good o the world, but I wish I could be the one to do it instead. Though… Being the best in the world has never been in my dreams; I dream o ordinary things, to be able to play Yiruma’s “River Flows in You” or Richard Clayderman’s “Wedding o the Dreams”, or draw stick figures in various poses, or designing an average house for the average public.

Anyway in conclusion… Going back to work soon. Piano, drawing, 3D modelling, archi desgins… How it’d turn out Idk, but *fingers crossed*.

Praying for miracles =)

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